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I believe this is something that generally would vary from day-to-day much like how willing this person was to talk about what happened. I'm not certain if you are aware, but I had Will paint a picture of Aera so I could gift it to Ardyn for his birthday. While it reminded him of the horrible things that happened to them, I could also see he was grateful to have a physical reminder of the woman who meant so much to him, especially when he had nothing left to remind him of her once she was sent home aside from his own unstable memories.

I will see if I can have a family portrait made for him.

He is from a time not far beyond my own. Though I defeat another of his sons in combat, he is reunited with his youngest daughter.

His children are all Raen, like me. Three sons and two daughters. Alfonse, Milisandia, Rex, Allie, and Ricon.

Milisandia was twenty. Rex was seventeen, and Ricon was sixteen.

They were such skilled pilots. They had wanted to make their beloved father proud. They didn't know he already was.

I wanted to save them, Da. I tried.

[Ah, so here is the root of things. Another thing she considers herself to have failed at even though she did the best she could have done. Even worse, these were her people. In failing them, she also likely feels she failed herself.]

I believe you. There is no doubt in my mind you did more than your best to try and save them, but sometimes we can't fix things, even when we try our bests.

[Regis can't help but stop and think of Noctis then. All he wanted was for his father to be proud of him and he'd had no idea he already was.]

It is the curse of children and their fathers, I think. So often we are already so proud of what our children have done, but we don't let them know it nearly enough. Either that or they do not believe for some reason. This is our fault, though, not yours.

Try not to think of the things you cannot change now and focus on those you can. Have the portrait made. I am certain he will be grateful for it. Before Will offered to make the one of Aera, I was looking into finding a native who had such skills. I can point you in a couple of directions if you would like.

I never wanted to be a hero. I only ever wanted to help people, and keep them safe. My best is a far cry from enough these days.

I think Nobuyuki would have been proud of me, but also sad. I imagine it would not be dissimilar to how you feel about Noctis.

The only reference for a portrait exists in my memories. Fortunately Hades has the Gift, so I will be able to show him the image in my mind and have him create a perfect portrait. However I would not say no to any knowledge you have of local artists, as I am only really familiar with the tailors and smiths.

The last time I spoke with you, I said I hadn't hurt Noctis. At the time I thought this was true, but have come to learn it was not.

I am sorry for causing harm to you and your son. If you seek recompense you need only ask and I will offer it freely.

I am trying to be better.

I know. Heroes rarely ask to be chosen. I suspect that is what makes them so good at what they do. That and they always seek to be better, to do more. Their job is rarely one that ends before they do.

I think you are right about that. There is not just one feeling a parent feels when they think of their children. There are many. Even now I feel so much when I think of Noctis, and I have no doubt more feelings will continue to join those I feel now as time passes.

Once we are done talking, I will send you a list of those artists. I am glad that Hades is able to help you with this. I know it helped that Will was able to read my mind. I'm not sure he ever really got to know Aera that well before she left us. The painting would not have been so good if he had only had my words to work from.

[The first part of his message comes quickly enough, but when he gets to the end, he ends up sending what he has and then following up with a second message. Regis doesn't want to brush off what she has said, but at the same time, he feels he is the wrong person to be telling this to.]

I have no need to ask recompense from you, though I have talked to Noctis and I know already that you hurt him deeply. He questions his worth--much as you do--and you pushing him away only affirmed in his mind that he is not worthy of being your family. It is him you owe recompense to, not me, though I would ask that as you try to do better, you make an effort to remember that your actions can often be seen differently than you intend them to be seen.

I have tried to apologize to him, but I think I do naught but make everything worse. I am no good at these things. There is a maelstrom inside when all I should feel is fortunate for what I have. It's been brewing for many moons and I've tried to make sure no one else is hurt by it but I keep failing.

It's better for me to stay away from everyone. I just didn't want Noctis to blame himself, so I tried apologizing. Had Gaius not arrived I would not have reached out to you. But there is no avoiding Gaius and I had no one else to ask.

I don't want anyone to blame themselves, because all of this is my fault. I need to control myself better. I don't understand why I can't. If this is the person 'Era' is I don't want to be her anymore. I want to go home and be an unfaltering weapon again. Everything was better that way.

I'm sorry.

I'll go prepare things for Gaius now. Thank you for helping me, even after all I've done.

[Regis doesn't respond right away. Indeed, for several long minutes he seriously debates letting things end like with that, but then he remembers Tony's mention of him being a 'pansy' when it comes to this and he realizes that he has to answer. Even if it doesn't get through to her, Regis won't be able to rest well if he doesn't say what he feels needs to be said. What he can't do, though, is lash out with the pain and anger that her reply creates in him. Instead, he takes several long minutes to detach himself from those emotions so he can say what needs to be said.]

Until you decide that the opinions of those of us out here count as much as the opinions of the negative voices in your mind, you will never know the real 'Era.' You say you are trying, but all I see you doing is running from what hurts you. Stop saying you are sorry until you know what it is you truly need to be apologizing for.

I have seen men and children turned into weapons of war, Era. I have watched all that makes them an individual stripped away until only empty eyes and stiff figures remain. I have seen the nightmares and fear that rules their lives when they no longer have a war to fight in, when their purpose is suddenly gone.

[Cor's once empty eyes pass through his mind for a moment, and he has to pause before he can continue. Once he does, he finds he cannot stop, even though he probably should.]

I do not ever want to hear you wish to be just a weapon again, do you understand me? I have held my tongue before because I care about you so, but I will hold it no longer. If you must discuss that particular feeling, then I will have to ask you to find another to discuss it with.

I must also ask you to refrain from speaking to my son until you are able to see something more than just yourself. Right now, you are making decisions that you believe are best for us, when you have no right to make those decisions.

[And just like that, he is done.]

I wish you luck with your project for Gaius. Be well.

[He has no idea if Era will reply, but even if she does Regis has no more to say. Instead, he sends a quick message to Tony to see if his friend would like to take a break from working on the bar for a drink and then banishes his tablet to the Armiger.]

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