kingkingcxiii | Hugtopia Mailbox/Inbox

Memories are a reward and a penance.

If I push them away they can't get hurt as I learn to fight this insidious affliction. It is safer.

Safer for everyone but you. What if you can't learn to deal with this yourself? Do you really expect all those who love you to stand by and watch you wither away?

If I cannot learn then my failure will be my punishment.

This isn't about punishment. This is about you accepting help from those who care about you. Love is not a weakness; it is a strength. How can you say you have failed if you have not faced this enemy at full strength?

Love has only ever served to make it worse.

You have said something like this before. Back when you wanted to call off the wedding, and yet you decided to go through with it then. What has changed your mind?

I am not sure.

I don't fit right. I see everyone together and I am too different.

I want to go home but I am trapped here. I cannot be free and keep them, but they are mine and I will not let them go. I cannot leave without them.

Here it would be safe to have a baby while home would be dangerous, but even if we somehow succeeded against the odds I would not be a good mother. I am too me.

There are many things.

[It takes a few moments for Regis to respond because he is thinking back to the small child he saw so terrified and hiding during the time that the city messed with their ages. No one was suppose to see her, to hear her because she was different. She was different and it was wrong.

Once their ages had reverted to normal, Regis had found it hard to piece together that little girl and the adult he knew. It's not so hard now.]

This place, it is a contradiction. I won't argue with you about that. There is so much here we can have that we cannot at home. Is it right for us to enjoy all that when it cannot be back home? Is it right for us to squander an opportunity others dream of but never have because we are afraid?

Here, everyone is different and no one cares, but I know it is not the same for you back home. It has taken almost everything from you. How can you not fear more loss? No one can blame you for that. No one should blame you for that.

Is it right to let that fear take more from you? Only you can make that decision. Those of us who love you--and always will no matter what different roads the fates scatter us to--can only be here to hold your hand.

If you will let us.

[He doesn't dare add it because Regis would not forgive himself for putting too much pressure on her too quickly, but he can't help but think "Dear child, please crawl out from the darkness and take my hand..."]

I am working on a way to take them both home with me. I cannot stay here, but I cannot leave them.

Everyone is not different. No one else has scales or tails. No one else lacks in ears. Everyone looks 'human' or 'elven'. I do not think the same way. I do not act the same way. I do not fit.

I can't. I'm sorry.

Maybe someday, when I am less broken.

I will pick up the pieces and then, if anyone is left, maybe they will help me fit them back together again.

It was not always that way. When we first arrived there was a Cybertronian here. His name was Tailgate and he could change between a vehicle mode and a robotic one. He did not have scales and a tail, but he stood out just as you wish you did not. Just because there are none now that stand out, does not mean that there will not be those who do in the future.

[But Regis know that is a hope that doesn't help much when one is feeling so isolated now, so he doesn't linger.]

If you cannot stay here and you want to take them with you, that means you have a goal to work toward besides just figuring out this place's past. Perhaps if we are able to help the gods become strong enough, they can even help you with your goal.

[It is so hard not being able to hug her right now, but there is at least one thing he can do. Regis switches his feed over to video and then gives her a warm and understanding smile.]

When that day comes, know I will be here waiting.

[ It takes her some time to respond, overwhelmed as she is by his message. ]

I know. I won't forget.

Thank you.

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