[He snaps it out before Regis has even really finished the question, finally looking over his shoulder at the other man, teeth bared in a snarl that's as much frustration as it is pain from twisting around like that.
And then understanding dawns and Regis is so... neutral about the whole thing when it would be easier to fight and be up in arms about it if he weren't so godsdamned reasonable. Instead he turns back away, shoulders slumping, head bowed. That's not fair. He doesn't want to fight with his King, that's the last thing he wants but he also doesn't know how to just talk about this particular topic.
So he has to turn it to something he can talk about. Someone else.]
Libertus never would've fallen in with those bastards if he'd had his head on straight.
[The intensity behind that response is a little startling, but Regis is hardly surprised by the answer. He's also not surprised that Nyx doesn't want to talk about it--that much is obvious from his silence and then his deflection--but it's the not talking about it that gets so many people into trouble. Mental or physical, pain does things to people's minds and the more the person keeps quiet about it, the worst it gets.
Once Nyx turns away and his posture slumps, Regis moves closer, letting his hand once more settle onto his Glaive's back, lightly massaging tense muscles. Before he speaks, he nods in acknowledgment of the statement made about Libertus.]
For me, it was the second. I could never understand how they expected me to make the right choices for my people and my country while my mind was muddled by painkillers. It's not as if I could take days off and wait it out. The pain was too constant. I hardly would have been ruling if I had.
Don't much care for the idea of being that laid up, either.
[He can admit that much at least with Regis there, confessing his own fears.]
Couple of beers is one thing but...
[Painkillers can fuck with your head so much more than alcohol. Especially now, here, with no one else to stand beside his King. With the memory of him falling dead before them so vivid in his mind. How can he let himself fall into that.]
[For a moment, the only response Nyx gets is another nod of acknowledgment, Regis' hand continuing its gentle massage of his back in the silence, then a sad smile crosses his face.]
It's like being trapped between a rock and a hard place. Clarus would tell me that being tired from lack of sleep and distracted by pain were a combination even more dangerous than the slight haze of the painkillers would be. I never did want to believe him. Pain and I were very familiar companions even then, so I just ignored it and continued on as I always did. [Regis lets his hand drop from Nyx's back so he can lean across the bed and catch his Glaive's gaze.]
Incidentally, ignoring him is the reason my knee went from merely bad to totally wrecked. It took a fall that almost put me through a glass table in my suite to realize I should have listened and by then the damage was already done.
[Regis is silent in the wake of that confession, not because he is surprised by it, but because there is no easy solution to that kind of fear. Lack of trust in oneself is very dangerous to people who have been through the kinds of trauma that he and Nyx have. It's all too easy to allow doubt to become a self-fulfilling prophecy when one's mental defenses are so low.
Eventually, he pulls himself back to his feet and makes his way around to the other side of the bed so he can sit next to Nyx instead of at his back. Regis then reaches out to run his thumb across his Glaive's cheek.]
[The last thing he's expecting is that gentle touch to his face. He blinks up at Regis, lost for a moment, a flicker of something scared and uncertain in his gaze. But the question earns not even the slightest hesitation.]
Of course.
[His hand comes up to touch Regis' wrist, gentle but needing the contact to anchor himself.]
[Regis nods, letting his hand remain where it is, to be an anchor--a link--between them both. Hopefully, what he is about to suggest will help put some of Nyx's worries to rest.]
I have not been remembering to take my medication as much as I should for various reasons.
[Sometimes he just plain forgets, others times he lets his fear of not being clearheaded have more power over him than it should, especially since he no longer needs to worry about running a country.]
If you will allow it, I will take over keeping track of when dosages are due for both of us.
[He's always done better remembering to take care of himself when it directly impacts someone else anyway.]
[A soft huff of laughter escapes him but it's not as self-deprecating as it could be, more sheepish than anything. He tilts his head a little, cocks a brow.]
Hardly, however since you do trust me for some strange reason, letting me take care of this small thing seems like a wise course of action. It's the least I can do after all that you've done for me.
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[He snaps it out before Regis has even really finished the question, finally looking over his shoulder at the other man, teeth bared in a snarl that's as much frustration as it is pain from twisting around like that.
And then understanding dawns and Regis is so... neutral about the whole thing when it would be easier to fight and be up in arms about it if he weren't so godsdamned reasonable. Instead he turns back away, shoulders slumping, head bowed. That's not fair. He doesn't want to fight with his King, that's the last thing he wants but he also doesn't know how to just talk about this particular topic.
So he has to turn it to something he can talk about. Someone else.]
Libertus never would've fallen in with those bastards if he'd had his head on straight.
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Once Nyx turns away and his posture slumps, Regis moves closer, letting his hand once more settle onto his Glaive's back, lightly massaging tense muscles. Before he speaks, he nods in acknowledgment of the statement made about Libertus.]
For me, it was the second. I could never understand how they expected me to make the right choices for my people and my country while my mind was muddled by painkillers. It's not as if I could take days off and wait it out. The pain was too constant. I hardly would have been ruling if I had.
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[He can admit that much at least with Regis there, confessing his own fears.]
Couple of beers is one thing but...
[Painkillers can fuck with your head so much more than alcohol. Especially now, here, with no one else to stand beside his King. With the memory of him falling dead before them so vivid in his mind. How can he let himself fall into that.]
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It's like being trapped between a rock and a hard place. Clarus would tell me that being tired from lack of sleep and distracted by pain were a combination even more dangerous than the slight haze of the painkillers would be. I never did want to believe him. Pain and I were very familiar companions even then, so I just ignored it and continued on as I always did.
[Regis lets his hand drop from Nyx's back so he can lean across the bed and catch his Glaive's gaze.]
Incidentally, ignoring him is the reason my knee went from merely bad to totally wrecked. It took a fall that almost put me through a glass table in my suite to realize I should have listened and by then the damage was already done.
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[He does, and logically he knows it's what's likely to happen to him as well, especially if he keeps pushing like this.]
But I don't- [A scowl, gaze flicking away again.]
I dunno if I trust myself.
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Eventually, he pulls himself back to his feet and makes his way around to the other side of the bed so he can sit next to Nyx instead of at his back. Regis then reaches out to run his thumb across his Glaive's cheek.]
Can you trust me?
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Of course.
[His hand comes up to touch Regis' wrist, gentle but needing the contact to anchor himself.]
Always.
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I have not been remembering to take my medication as much as I should for various reasons.
[Sometimes he just plain forgets, others times he lets his fear of not being clearheaded have more power over him than it should, especially since he no longer needs to worry about running a country.]
If you will allow it, I will take over keeping track of when dosages are due for both of us.
[He's always done better remembering to take care of himself when it directly impacts someone else anyway.]
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Are you offering to dad me into taking my meds?
[That might get a little awkward later, Reggie.]
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Hardly, however since you do trust me for some strange reason, letting me take care of this small thing seems like a wise course of action. It's the least I can do after all that you've done for me.
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[That gets an eye roll. Honestly, Regis. What do you expect from him?]
As long as it means you're taking yours too... I guess it makes sense.
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[Regis shrugs, giving Nyx a knowing look.]
I realize you are not one of those, but I am. Helping you will help me as well.