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[kingkingcxiii]

Gone Fishing

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[astralera]

I have tried to apologize to him, but I think I do naught but make everything worse. I am no good at these things. There is a maelstrom inside when all I should feel is fortunate for what I have. It's been brewing for many moons and I've tried to make sure no one else is hurt by it but I keep failing.

It's better for me to stay away from everyone. I just didn't want Noctis to blame himself, so I tried apologizing. Had Gaius not arrived I would not have reached out to you. But there is no avoiding Gaius and I had no one else to ask.

I don't want anyone to blame themselves, because all of this is my fault. I need to control myself better. I don't understand why I can't. If this is the person 'Era' is I don't want to be her anymore. I want to go home and be an unfaltering weapon again. Everything was better that way.

I'm sorry.

I'll go prepare things for Gaius now. Thank you for helping me, even after all I've done.

[kingkingcxiii]

[Regis doesn't respond right away. Indeed, for several long minutes he seriously debates letting things end like with that, but then he remembers Tony's mention of him being a 'pansy' when it comes to this and he realizes that he has to answer. Even if it doesn't get through to her, Regis won't be able to rest well if he doesn't say what he feels needs to be said. What he can't do, though, is lash out with the pain and anger that her reply creates in him. Instead, he takes several long minutes to detach himself from those emotions so he can say what needs to be said.]

Until you decide that the opinions of those of us out here count as much as the opinions of the negative voices in your mind, you will never know the real 'Era.' You say you are trying, but all I see you doing is running from what hurts you. Stop saying you are sorry until you know what it is you truly need to be apologizing for.

I have seen men and children turned into weapons of war, Era. I have watched all that makes them an individual stripped away until only empty eyes and stiff figures remain. I have seen the nightmares and fear that rules their lives when they no longer have a war to fight in, when their purpose is suddenly gone.

[Cor's once empty eyes pass through his mind for a moment, and he has to pause before he can continue. Once he does, he finds he cannot stop, even though he probably should.]

I do not ever want to hear you wish to be just a weapon again, do you understand me? I have held my tongue before because I care about you so, but I will hold it no longer. If you must discuss that particular feeling, then I will have to ask you to find another to discuss it with.

I must also ask you to refrain from speaking to my son until you are able to see something more than just yourself. Right now, you are making decisions that you believe are best for us, when you have no right to make those decisions.

[And just like that, he is done.]

I wish you luck with your project for Gaius. Be well.

[He has no idea if Era will reply, but even if she does Regis has no more to say. Instead, he sends a quick message to Tony to see if his friend would like to take a break from working on the bar for a drink and then banishes his tablet to the Armiger.]