It comes so easily to Regis lips it must be something he's thought or said before, something familiar. The thought makes his heart ache, at once wishing it were so and knowing it cannot be any more than he could ask his King to betray their Queen.
As Regis continues, though, the words slide in like a knife in his heart, sharp and painful. The very idea of, that Cor would not trust him and more the implication that he could not trust Cor is enough to make panic claw at his chest. A fresh wash of fear gripping his heart in an icy grip so real that he doesn't even realize the way the temperature plummets, not unlike the way his heart plummets into his belly.
I cannot stand the thought of those who I have let close to me being strangers.
All he can think of is the realization that the traitor they were searching for was none other than Drautos. A man he'd considered very close to a brother, too young but taken under his Majesty's wing and treated as family. And somehow that bond had twisted into something sick, a poison festering so close to the King himself and not one of them realized it until it was too late.
Standing on the edge of the city, realizing too late that the damage was far greater than they could have imagined. That the airships would not be engaged outside the wall but that the Crystal itself was compromised. The sudden, yawning emptiness when Regis fell and he could feel the magic slipping away that constant connection growing weaker until it snapped like the unraveling of a rope under too much strain.
He couldn't breathe, not now, not then. The hurt was too great for there to be room left for anything else. Not air, not love, not life, not the man he had been or was supposed to be. The hand wrapped around Regis' is cold, that sharp agonizing, isolating cold that is so familiar to both of them. Without Regis --and without his trust could he ever consider himself really having him?-- there was nothing but cold and dark, it had been true with Mors and it was doubly so after he fell and here he was telling Cor that this one thing that he had kept so carefully for so long made him a stranger.
Made him like Drautos.
He doesn't know how long he's been holding his breath, as though if he could keep the air inside he could keep the emotions there too. He's shaking, shivering and dark spots dance across his vision, taking too long to make sense of what he's seeing. A bedroom, dim light and not the ravaged street he'd been on when that bond severed.]
I'm sorry
[His mouth moves but no sound comes out, there are no words that could make the apology enough for that kind of betrayal. He blinks, tears falling from damp lashes, falling in a scalding line across chilled skin. When his breath finally returns it's a harsh ragged sob, one desperate breath and then he's clenching his jaw again, swallowing hard, almost convulsively, fighting his body and his emotions in equal measure.]
CW: some dissociation
It comes so easily to Regis lips it must be something he's thought or said before, something familiar. The thought makes his heart ache, at once wishing it were so and knowing it cannot be any more than he could ask his King to betray their Queen.
As Regis continues, though, the words slide in like a knife in his heart, sharp and painful. The very idea of, that Cor would not trust him and more the implication that he could not trust Cor is enough to make panic claw at his chest. A fresh wash of fear gripping his heart in an icy grip so real that he doesn't even realize the way the temperature plummets, not unlike the way his heart plummets into his belly.
I cannot stand the thought of those who I have let close to me being strangers.
All he can think of is the realization that the traitor they were searching for was none other than Drautos. A man he'd considered very close to a brother, too young but taken under his Majesty's wing and treated as family. And somehow that bond had twisted into something sick, a poison festering so close to the King himself and not one of them realized it until it was too late.
Standing on the edge of the city, realizing too late that the damage was far greater than they could have imagined. That the airships would not be engaged outside the wall but that the Crystal itself was compromised. The sudden, yawning emptiness when Regis fell and he could feel the magic slipping away that constant connection growing weaker until it snapped like the unraveling of a rope under too much strain.
He couldn't breathe, not now, not then. The hurt was too great for there to be room left for anything else. Not air, not love, not life, not the man he had been or was supposed to be. The hand wrapped around Regis' is cold, that sharp agonizing, isolating cold that is so familiar to both of them. Without Regis --and without his trust could he ever consider himself really having him?-- there was nothing but cold and dark, it had been true with Mors and it was doubly so after he fell and here he was telling Cor that this one thing that he had kept so carefully for so long made him a stranger.
Made him like Drautos.
He doesn't know how long he's been holding his breath, as though if he could keep the air inside he could keep the emotions there too. He's shaking, shivering and dark spots dance across his vision, taking too long to make sense of what he's seeing. A bedroom, dim light and not the ravaged street he'd been on when that bond severed.]
I'm sorry
[His mouth moves but no sound comes out, there are no words that could make the apology enough for that kind of betrayal. He blinks, tears falling from damp lashes, falling in a scalding line across chilled skin. When his breath finally returns it's a harsh ragged sob, one desperate breath and then he's clenching his jaw again, swallowing hard, almost convulsively, fighting his body and his emotions in equal measure.]